I Would Rather.. (England x Dead!Reader)

Roses. Fresh, Red, with the Thorns. You never wanted your Roses without them, you always said it reminded you that no matter how beautiful something may seem, there was always an ugly side to be weary of.

Wine. That had always made him scoff as he never understood how you could ever like it. You certainly spent too much time with that French Frog. But you claimed to have loved the sweetness when it first hit your taste buds, then the tangy after taste that lingered. You would always joke and say it reminded you of himself.

But that was all gone now. It has been for the past four years.

He still couldn’t believe it himself.

Four years ago today, you had left him behind in this world.

But, four years to the heart feels like it was only yesterday.

He let out a sigh as his hand grasped onto the rough, cold grave stone to balance him while he bent over to lay the Roses in front of it. A chill shook him as his thumb caressed the grave – your grave. It never seemed to be warm on this day. It was always rainy and drowsy. But then again, those were your favorite types of days.

He weakly smiled as he sat the bottle of wine down beside the flowers.

He took in a shaky breath as his eyes started to swell. “I don’t know if you can hear me, love,” He settled down onto his knees, clasping his hands together in his lap as he continued speaking, “But, It’s been terribly lonely without you, but I cannot say the same about ‘quiet’ with that obnoxious American around.” He chuckled softly. You had always enjoyed Alfred’s company, whether he was extremely loud or not – which he was – he always made you laugh and that might have been the only reason Arthur ever let him around.

More or less.

But you would always tease him about how he secretly enjoyed Alfred’s company and just wouldn’t ever admit it out-loud, or to himself even.

“He misses you though, in fact they all do. But me most of all. It just seems so cold now these days, like it will never be warm or happy again and I know that it won’t until I see you once more.” He knew he wouldn’t ever though. Him, being a country, he was years older than you and un-able to die and it had pained him ever since he fell for you.  Sometimes he would wish he had never met you, but not for himself but for you. You would have met someone who could become old with you and die one day. Then you would be able to live together forever afterwards.

He hung his head down, letting his bangs hide the tears that now freely poured down his cheeks as he continued, “And I don’t care what you say, you stubborn woman, I wish I could die. I would give anything to do it, just to be with you again.” He rested his head in his hands as his shoulders shook. “Do you see what you’ve done to me? You’ve made me such an emotional wreck, I’ve never been so free with my emotions before and it’s all your fault but, I love you so much for it..”

He took in chocked sobs as he tried to control his breathing. His fingers tangled in his hair as he clenched his eyes shut, but they didn’t stay shut for long as the only thing he could see was the way you looked laying on that hospital bed during your last day. He slowly looked up as he felt a few wet drops on his head. When he fully looked up, the rain had started pouring down harder than he had ever thought possible. A sad smile came across his face as he stood up but bent down to give a long, tear filled kiss onto your grave stone. “Don’t cry love, It will hurt, but I’ll be okay as long as you stay with me..”

He leaned his forehead against it for a few minutes one last time before turning and letting his hand drag across it as he slowly walked away.

But, he would be back again next year..

And the year after that and so on..

‘I would rather spend just a few hours with you, then go a whole life time without knowing you.’